The Test

Sometime early in the year, the Quantum red belts started talking about pushing for a test. Our goal was to get as big a group as possible to train and test together. After much juggling, a date was set--May 22nd.

With a goal in mind, 7 of us juggled work, family, illness injury, and our own strengths and weaknesses to train hard both individually and as a group. And then, the day was upon us.

One of our group, Tracy, had arranged for the shaman from her Native American community to come bless and paint us in a way that warriors entering battle are painted. Thunder Cloud gave the same blessing to all of us, filling us with strength and protection both as individuals and as a group. We were all moved and emboldened by this ceremony and I personally received a special extra blessing for "someone that I was holding within me". All of us there knew that the person in my heart was our dear friend and blue belt Tony who could not be with us on that day as he struggled with the after effects of chemotherapy.

We moved on t0 the cleaning of the dojo and then one of us, Valerie, led an awesome and heart pounding warm up. We then sat down to watch the yellow belts test and were filled with pride as our Seattle student Kate kicked high and performed her form flawlessly. The green belts were next and they brought joy and beauty to their forms and techniques.

Then, it was our turn. Seven red belts, all but one over the age of 40 (I, at 48 was the "median age" student) stood in front of our Master, our 3rd degree black belt Mr. Curenton and our family, friends, training partners and students. Master Evans started us out on the "techniques" part. She ran us through combinations from all of our previous belt levels; some simple, some not so. This is where my teaching really paid off. When I teach, the name of the technique is in my mind and I envision it. Then I speak and hear it aloud, then demonstrate, and finally check to see if the students have translated what I said in to their own bodies. The process engages many senses and allows those pathways in my brain to be more ingrained. While I did not do everything perfectly in this portion, I felt comfortable with it and it was quite fun. One of the best parts was when we did jumping techniques in sequence. Like dominoes a wave of kicks would move along the lines so each of us got to have a second to shine and to see the others.

After the this portion of the test, we did some ground work demonstrating our ability to pass the guard and doing arm bars and escapes from arm bars on the ground. This portion of the test REALLY hurt my sore shoulder. Some of the escapes required me to put my arm in a very painful position. Thanks to Greg for helping me to not push it.

We then took a break to hydrate and refuel (we had been on the mat either testing or assisting in others' test for a couple of hours by then). We returned to the mat for the rest of the test. This started out with us performing eight of our forms together and then our rank form individually. When we hit the first kihap in basic form, the sound that echoed in the building was indescribable. "Ominous, creepy, powerful, cool" were all descriptors I heard. You could hear the audience catch their collective breath. This happened a several more times during our lower level forms. We actually had to slow down the pace that we often do the forms at because the combined energy that we threw out was so big that we had to wait for it to come back to us before moving again. For the most part, during forms I simply rode that energy. The nagging pains of the past few weeks just became suspended and I found myself jumping higher and just getting more things "right" than I ever have before. It was a transformative experience as we all performed what was truly our very best. I did miss one move in one form. I was thinking about how beautifully Amy Popovich from San Francisco had shown a particular portion of Waterfall and was trying to emulate her. As a result, I stepped with the wrong foot :) Ah well.

We then each performed our rank form which, thankfully for the audience, is fairly brief for a Quantum form.--they had to watch it 7 times. Each individual performed it starting with the youngest. I was 4th..right in the middle. This is a true warrior's form and each person brought their own flavor. I was petrified I would mess up the order of something since I was going to be out there on my own and was still a bit "high" from the collective form performance. I don't think I forgot anything and my nerves were mixed with the flavor I have come to know with my introduction to this form. That is, it is almost one continuous movement. The energy from one move carries you in to the next. I conceive of the energy like that of riding a bicycle up and down rolling hills. Just a moderate climb brings you to the crest and you coast down and ride up the next crest. In my testing performance, that was not "perfected", but I touched it a bit.

After forms came rolling and falling, chi sau work, then our one steps (at least I think this is the order...I was getting a bit tired by then). I had the joy of doing my one steps with my daughter Cassie. What a gift. A couple of years back, Cassie had earned her junior black belt and now is a blue belt in the adult program. She's the one that got me in to all this and how wonderful to be able to share this with her. We performed some personal one steps incorporating knife defense and also some spontaneous. Super fun. I thank her for letting me do a one step on her that was pretty realistic in terms of knife defense where I disarmed her by putting my kneww on a nerve in the arm.

Push hands and soft boxing followed. I am not great at push hands and certainly need more practice. I had much fun with Jim doing this though as he is terrific at being grounded on the bottom and rubbery on top. Soft boxing--well, that is always a joy. It is a wonderful recycling of energy and being in the moment. Responding to your partner and seeing them respond to you with "just enough" is what it is about while moving.

Then it was time to spar. The green belts rejoined us and we got our gear on. Honestly my memory on this is a bit of a blur. I do recall my daughter opening our round together with a HARD round kick to the thigh and hearing laughs from our friends on the sidelines. I also recall a great round with Talena where she made sure to challenge me. My final round was with Anwar. Anwar is a 20 year old 6 foot 6 inch 355 giant who has been training at Quantum for nearly 13 years. He was in the kid's program when I started. Even knowing that he has years of training, outstanding control and a heart as big as the moon, facing him is intimidating. I found myself experiencing a variety of emotions during this round. By then, I had a lot of pain in my body and I had many flashes of fear, anger and frustration. What was amazing was that, with each one, I had this conversation in my head that went something like this "Well, you can go with that _____ (pain, anger, sorrow etc) or you can just let that pass and fill the space left with joy. I chose joy every time and at the end I could see Anwar's face reflect the fact that I had stomped on the demons as it felt like I was moving only off his energy-taking what he was giving and moving past, around or sometimes through it. Wow. For those that wonder why I spar--this is it. This is why training in martial arts is training for life.

Pretty dang tired post sparring we collected ourselves and sat with all Quantum students present, Master Evans and Mr Curenton. We talked about helping others and how being the best people we can be is the best way to help others. I got to sit with Cassie and with Elsa. Elsa is Master Evan's dog who my family helped raise. I have an intimate connection to Elsa and the Master arranged for Elsa to come to my test. What a terrific gift.

Board breaks and attempted concrete went OK. I failed to break the concrete but learned what I need to work on for another attempt sometime. I struggled with a left ax kick break and ended up going to my right. When I finally got that ax kick, I stepped right in to a knee strike break. This latter is a relatively easy break but I had never done two quick breaks in succession like that and it was wonderful to have the "mind, body, spirit" integration that I enjoy about board breaks last just that much longer. Actually, it was kind of surreal.

Overall, the day was phenomenal. Many wonderful memories made during my "recital". At Quantum you don't get permission to test unless you are going to pass. One thing that was apparent to me during this period of my training is that the training is the real test. The ability to organize your life so you can find time to train; the working with your body to get it ready; the mental work to study and remember forms, one steps etc. ; the spirit to drag yourself out of bed on a Sunday to go and meet your buds to train.; the struggling with and defeating the self-doubt. It is all that that is the true test. In the end, I tested myself. My teachers and friends were mirrors to help me see how that test went---and I think it went well.