As part of our test, Master Evans gave us a written assignment. The assignment was to discuss sparring, specifically as a Quantum yellow belt. At Quantum, sparring becomes an important part of the curriculum at yellow belt. (white belts do not spar and high white belts may spar with no contact).
The following is an excerpt from my paper
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Fear is the emotion most expressed by students after sparring class. Fear can take many forms. Among these is the fear of personal pain or injury as well as the fear of injuring another person.
When facing a partner trying hit or kick you, fear of personal pain or injury are usually the most immediate fears faced by a new yellow belt. This fear is not completely unfounded as bumps and bruises are common. However, sparring with experienced practitioners is no more likely to result in injury than participation in many other sports such as skiing, soccer, or football. It is the fact that another human being appears to be trying to hurt them that makes sparring different from these other athletic pursuits. Yet it is also the fact that they are engaged with another human being that facilitates the student’s ability to examine what is truly injurious pain and what is simply a bump or bruise.
The Quantum sparring rules dictate that it is the responsibility of the more experienced student in the round to create a learning environment for the less experienced partner. As students begin to see this, they realize that they are actually in control of the situation and begin to see which of their fears are unfounded and which are more real. It is the ability to see what is real and true that is one of the lessons we hope practitioners are reaching for as they become high intermediate and advanced students. Yellow belt students have the opportunity to engage with intensity using powerful straight line techniques. As they do so and find that they are not injured, they begin to learn the skill of facing one’s fears and dismissing those that do not serve.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Humor
This post is not specifically rank advancement related, but sometimes these serious blogs need comic relief.
When you look at martial arts through our American culture eyes, there are some things that are kind of funny--funny in the way we laugh at awkwardness. I mean, we run around in white outfits that don't necessarily fit us properly, as we learn stuff we may move with all the gracefulness of a foal taking its first steps and we shout these guttural sounds while we do it. Then there is the counting in Korean (badly). It's kind of funny.
So, about a year ago I was thinking about our one step sparring drills. It occurred to me that when you start these drills it is kind of like a knock-knock joke. The attacker steps back in a specifically outlined preparation for attack and kihaps to single that he/she is ready to attack. The attack can proceed when the defender kihaps. However, the defender does not have to kihap until he/she is ready. In that way, one steps are like a knock-knock joke.
In that joke, the "who's there?" person holds all the power. The joke cannot go on without that question. Similarly, the defender in a one-step exercise holds all the power. The exercise cannot proceed without that second kihap.
So, next time you are doing one-steps, think "knock knock". It's funny.
When you look at martial arts through our American culture eyes, there are some things that are kind of funny--funny in the way we laugh at awkwardness. I mean, we run around in white outfits that don't necessarily fit us properly, as we learn stuff we may move with all the gracefulness of a foal taking its first steps and we shout these guttural sounds while we do it. Then there is the counting in Korean (badly). It's kind of funny.
So, about a year ago I was thinking about our one step sparring drills. It occurred to me that when you start these drills it is kind of like a knock-knock joke. The attacker steps back in a specifically outlined preparation for attack and kihaps to single that he/she is ready to attack. The attack can proceed when the defender kihaps. However, the defender does not have to kihap until he/she is ready. In that way, one steps are like a knock-knock joke.
In that joke, the "who's there?" person holds all the power. The joke cannot go on without that question. Similarly, the defender in a one-step exercise holds all the power. The exercise cannot proceed without that second kihap.
So, next time you are doing one-steps, think "knock knock". It's funny.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Humility
Well, I've been obviously delinquent in writing here pretty much all summer. I suspect I am not the ONLY blogger ever to have started strong and then shown up with a "sorry I have not written in a while" post. :)
But I have had subjects for this blog rattling around in my head for a while. Here is one. Though I am now wearing my yellow belt, the idea for this post started as I was ending my time as a white belt for the 2nd time:
Humility
In our school as in others, the red belt represents fire. Personally, though it is clear to me that the element I channel best is earth, I have always been fascinated by fire. I know I am not alone in the being drawn to the duality of this element. Fire can injure but also can help avoid damage done by cold. It can be destructive and also beautiful. Fire is both feared and admired.
In our dojo, at red belt you are darn near the "top of the heap". You are encouraged to take control of your own training; you help run the school; you enter sparring class with the freedom to fight on your feet, on the ground and at any distance; and you take on the responsibility of ensuring that other students are ready for rank promotion. In short--you're a big shot and like fire are approached with both caution and admiration.
Putting on a white belt again changes that. While some of the teaching and assisting responsibilities remain, you return to the back of the room and no longer have many of the freedoms enjoyed at red belt. For me, this has allowed me to take another look at the duality of fire.
One slightly warm Seattle summer Sunday, several of us met to do forms in the park. One of my red/white belt training partners and I were the senior students in this informal class and after working the forms we knew, we worked with others on their forms-review, refining and teaching new material. I had the joy of working with a wonderful young man who is a blue belt (now high blue) who has been training longer than I have and was in Seattle on summer break from college. As I worked with Anwar, I was filled with a sense of humility. Though my academic knowledge of his rank form was more extensive than his, Anwar is physically my superior. He is a phenomenally strong man who has maintained a lot of flexibility through training more than half of his life. Here I was, wearing a white belt, showing this very advanced athlete what to do next.
In that moment, the verbiage of my teaching changed. Instead of "no, the chamber for that technique is this way" I said things like "when I do that move, I try to remember to chamber palm down". I started simultaneously looking for things to compliment as well as areas that needed improvement and was able to see that nearly every move had a little of each.
If we pass fire on to another person, we do not hand them a large burning log. Rather we pass along a small stick with a small flame, or even a gently burning ember. These smaller versions of fire still contain everything needed to build a large fire which can harm or protect. Yet it is in the passing of the smaller version that we set the recipients up for success and allow them to take the fire we give gently and build it in to their own.
But I have had subjects for this blog rattling around in my head for a while. Here is one. Though I am now wearing my yellow belt, the idea for this post started as I was ending my time as a white belt for the 2nd time:
Humility
In our school as in others, the red belt represents fire. Personally, though it is clear to me that the element I channel best is earth, I have always been fascinated by fire. I know I am not alone in the being drawn to the duality of this element. Fire can injure but also can help avoid damage done by cold. It can be destructive and also beautiful. Fire is both feared and admired.
In our dojo, at red belt you are darn near the "top of the heap". You are encouraged to take control of your own training; you help run the school; you enter sparring class with the freedom to fight on your feet, on the ground and at any distance; and you take on the responsibility of ensuring that other students are ready for rank promotion. In short--you're a big shot and like fire are approached with both caution and admiration.
Putting on a white belt again changes that. While some of the teaching and assisting responsibilities remain, you return to the back of the room and no longer have many of the freedoms enjoyed at red belt. For me, this has allowed me to take another look at the duality of fire.
One slightly warm Seattle summer Sunday, several of us met to do forms in the park. One of my red/white belt training partners and I were the senior students in this informal class and after working the forms we knew, we worked with others on their forms-review, refining and teaching new material. I had the joy of working with a wonderful young man who is a blue belt (now high blue) who has been training longer than I have and was in Seattle on summer break from college. As I worked with Anwar, I was filled with a sense of humility. Though my academic knowledge of his rank form was more extensive than his, Anwar is physically my superior. He is a phenomenally strong man who has maintained a lot of flexibility through training more than half of his life. Here I was, wearing a white belt, showing this very advanced athlete what to do next.
In that moment, the verbiage of my teaching changed. Instead of "no, the chamber for that technique is this way" I said things like "when I do that move, I try to remember to chamber palm down". I started simultaneously looking for things to compliment as well as areas that needed improvement and was able to see that nearly every move had a little of each.
If we pass fire on to another person, we do not hand them a large burning log. Rather we pass along a small stick with a small flame, or even a gently burning ember. These smaller versions of fire still contain everything needed to build a large fire which can harm or protect. Yet it is in the passing of the smaller version that we set the recipients up for success and allow them to take the fire we give gently and build it in to their own.
Monday, June 21, 2010
It makes us all better
On Thursday and Saturday I had my first experiences every sparring as a white belt. When I first "went through the belts" students started sparring at yellow belt. Quantum has since changed and has allowed high white belts (and the occasional experienced white belt) to spar with no contact in sparring class.
When you are supposed to be working straight line and distance techniques, you only have a few tools in your bag. Inside grappling and even closer in techniques such as hook punches are not supposed to be the focus at white and yellow belt. Strikes are supposed to be focused on the torso only. So, with not many offensive options, defense and footwork become key.
I had a couple of sparring partners comment about how watching us "recycled white belts" gives them a new study in footwork and an ability to really work on that with us. As we focus on our footwork but can make no contact, it gives them the opportunity to consider their own footwork without fear that a misstep will get them nailed. Another partner commented on how when trying to work straight line techniques, working with me showed him what he was leaving open in doing so.
Honestly, I never considered that I would be a useful sparring partner to my training friends as a white belt. Selfishly I guess, I assumed it would be all about me and me learning more about no contact sparring with others being able to use more varied techniques than I. I also kind of thought it was amusing to spar and say "you can't touch me (hee hee hee)". What an unexpected and wonderful surprise it is to witness the effect that myself and my training partners going back to our basics has on raising the level for the entire school.
I guess I won't "punch ya later" and we will all learn from it.
When you are supposed to be working straight line and distance techniques, you only have a few tools in your bag. Inside grappling and even closer in techniques such as hook punches are not supposed to be the focus at white and yellow belt. Strikes are supposed to be focused on the torso only. So, with not many offensive options, defense and footwork become key.
I had a couple of sparring partners comment about how watching us "recycled white belts" gives them a new study in footwork and an ability to really work on that with us. As we focus on our footwork but can make no contact, it gives them the opportunity to consider their own footwork without fear that a misstep will get them nailed. Another partner commented on how when trying to work straight line techniques, working with me showed him what he was leaving open in doing so.
Honestly, I never considered that I would be a useful sparring partner to my training friends as a white belt. Selfishly I guess, I assumed it would be all about me and me learning more about no contact sparring with others being able to use more varied techniques than I. I also kind of thought it was amusing to spar and say "you can't touch me (hee hee hee)". What an unexpected and wonderful surprise it is to witness the effect that myself and my training partners going back to our basics has on raising the level for the entire school.
I guess I won't "punch ya later" and we will all learn from it.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
The belt just holds up your pants
....well, not exactly since have elastic or drawstrings in our uniform pants. However last week I was given the opportunity to really consider this idea.
I helped run a martial arts test at Lake Washington Girls Middle School last week. Running the test with me were a 1st degree black belt and a high red belt. In getting ready the night before I considered wearing my "travelling" red belt for the test. This is my back up belt that I have used for teaching outreach on days that I have forgotten my belt in the shuffle or need to show up for an offsite class at the last minute. My thought process was that since tests are formal occasions, should I not be in a formal uniform? And what about any parents who attended? Would they not think it strange that a white belt was testing their kids? It was nice to give this consideration and know that my teachers and black belts would support me if this is what I had chosen to do.
Then it occured to me that one of the lessons to learn in this process is that the color of the belt does not actually matter. It is the type of martial artist and the type of person you are that matters. As one starts to push up against black belt, one begins to consider reaching the point where you "walk the way" every day. So, as an 8 year practitioner and an advanced student on that day, I charged myself with wearing a white belt but BEING the strong and loving teacher that I can be for my students. It ended up being a lovely test.
I helped run a martial arts test at Lake Washington Girls Middle School last week. Running the test with me were a 1st degree black belt and a high red belt. In getting ready the night before I considered wearing my "travelling" red belt for the test. This is my back up belt that I have used for teaching outreach on days that I have forgotten my belt in the shuffle or need to show up for an offsite class at the last minute. My thought process was that since tests are formal occasions, should I not be in a formal uniform? And what about any parents who attended? Would they not think it strange that a white belt was testing their kids? It was nice to give this consideration and know that my teachers and black belts would support me if this is what I had chosen to do.
Then it occured to me that one of the lessons to learn in this process is that the color of the belt does not actually matter. It is the type of martial artist and the type of person you are that matters. As one starts to push up against black belt, one begins to consider reaching the point where you "walk the way" every day. So, as an 8 year practitioner and an advanced student on that day, I charged myself with wearing a white belt but BEING the strong and loving teacher that I can be for my students. It ended up being a lovely test.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
The beauty of simplicity
Today's general class felt much better than Thursday's. Three of us "do over" white belts were in attendance and we received just the right amount of teasing from our black belt and senior students--gentle ribbing with affectionate grins all around.
In class, after the white belt technique was called, I realized that I did not have to pay any more attention to what was said before the word "Go!" This was incredibly freeing and allowed me to just focus on whatever stance I was in. The simplicity of no more than one hand and foot technique together and usually only one was a gift.
Focusing on only a few simple things allows one to see the complexity in each technique, to explore where the power comes from, and which muscles are needed--and which ones are not.
In class, after the white belt technique was called, I realized that I did not have to pay any more attention to what was said before the word "Go!" This was incredibly freeing and allowed me to just focus on whatever stance I was in. The simplicity of no more than one hand and foot technique together and usually only one was a gift.
Focusing on only a few simple things allows one to see the complexity in each technique, to explore where the power comes from, and which muscles are needed--and which ones are not.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
A white belt student again
Today I took my first class in years as a white belt, and I have to say, I have renewed respect for anyone who walks in to the door of a dojo, puts on white pajamas and does this kicking and punching thing. I especially have respect for anyone who "switches styles" and does that.
I do recall in my early weeks of class those 8 years ago thinking "What?! She wants me to coordinate my hand and foot movements, not lose my balance and yell while I'm doing it? Are you kidding? I'm exhausted!"
Tonight had echos of that with my brain heavily engaged as I tried not to let muscle memory take over. "No Karri, don't punch when you turn around; you are supposed to change sides sloooowly; and when he says 'colored belts' he does not mean YOU." Honestly, I can't say I loved it; not because I wanted to be one of the cool kids but because it's been a while since being a general class required so much mental work. It was hard.
Now, I had a reasonable amount of smoke coming out of my brain and I am just revisiting aspects of my style that I have already practiced and that I teach to new students regularly. I can't imagine what is must be like for students that come from another style and we ask them to change darn near everything.
That is today's lesson. Compassion for the beginner and especially for those that are exploring other arts.
I do recall in my early weeks of class those 8 years ago thinking "What?! She wants me to coordinate my hand and foot movements, not lose my balance and yell while I'm doing it? Are you kidding? I'm exhausted!"
Tonight had echos of that with my brain heavily engaged as I tried not to let muscle memory take over. "No Karri, don't punch when you turn around; you are supposed to change sides sloooowly; and when he says 'colored belts' he does not mean YOU." Honestly, I can't say I loved it; not because I wanted to be one of the cool kids but because it's been a while since being a general class required so much mental work. It was hard.
Now, I had a reasonable amount of smoke coming out of my brain and I am just revisiting aspects of my style that I have already practiced and that I teach to new students regularly. I can't imagine what is must be like for students that come from another style and we ask them to change darn near everything.
That is today's lesson. Compassion for the beginner and especially for those that are exploring other arts.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
This looks wierd!
Yesterday I taught my first class ever wearing a white belt.
I was first faced with the challenge of deciding what to wear. When one is a female martial artist in a school founded by a women, part of the culture becomes about "the outfit". I realized that all my favorite uniforms are not white and that my favorite white pants were worn in the test and therefore still home in the laundry.
Having picked out my boring outfit my young students and I agreed that the whole thing was a tiny bit unsettling. The were all wearing green belts! However, that unsettling feeling is quite welcome. It has echos of the first weeks of training ever when I had no idea what I was doing and felt unsettled more often than not.
The goal--empty cup
I was first faced with the challenge of deciding what to wear. When one is a female martial artist in a school founded by a women, part of the culture becomes about "the outfit". I realized that all my favorite uniforms are not white and that my favorite white pants were worn in the test and therefore still home in the laundry.
Having picked out my boring outfit my young students and I agreed that the whole thing was a tiny bit unsettling. The were all wearing green belts! However, that unsettling feeling is quite welcome. It has echos of the first weeks of training ever when I had no idea what I was doing and felt unsettled more often than not.
The goal--empty cup
Sunday, May 23, 2010
The Test
Sometime early in the year, the Quantum red belts started talking about pushing for a test. Our goal was to get as big a group as possible to train and test together. After much juggling, a date was set--May 22nd.
With a goal in mind, 7 of us juggled work, family, illness injury, and our own strengths and weaknesses to train hard both individually and as a group. And then, the day was upon us.
One of our group, Tracy, had arranged for the shaman from her Native American community to come bless and paint us in a way that warriors entering battle are painted. Thunder Cloud gave the same blessing to all of us, filling us with strength and protection both as individuals and as a group. We were all moved and emboldened by this ceremony and I personally received a special extra blessing for "someone that I was holding within me". All of us there knew that the person in my heart was our dear friend and blue belt Tony who could not be with us on that day as he struggled with the after effects of chemotherapy.
We moved on t0 the cleaning of the dojo and then one of us, Valerie, led an awesome and heart pounding warm up. We then sat down to watch the yellow belts test and were filled with pride as our Seattle student Kate kicked high and performed her form flawlessly. The green belts were next and they brought joy and beauty to their forms and techniques.
Then, it was our turn. Seven red belts, all but one over the age of 40 (I, at 48 was the "median age" student) stood in front of our Master, our 3rd degree black belt Mr. Curenton and our family, friends, training partners and students. Master Evans started us out on the "techniques" part. She ran us through combinations from all of our previous belt levels; some simple, some not so. This is where my teaching really paid off. When I teach, the name of the technique is in my mind and I envision it. Then I speak and hear it aloud, then demonstrate, and finally check to see if the students have translated what I said in to their own bodies. The process engages many senses and allows those pathways in my brain to be more ingrained. While I did not do everything perfectly in this portion, I felt comfortable with it and it was quite fun. One of the best parts was when we did jumping techniques in sequence. Like dominoes a wave of kicks would move along the lines so each of us got to have a second to shine and to see the others.
After the this portion of the test, we did some ground work demonstrating our ability to pass the guard and doing arm bars and escapes from arm bars on the ground. This portion of the test REALLY hurt my sore shoulder. Some of the escapes required me to put my arm in a very painful position. Thanks to Greg for helping me to not push it.
We then took a break to hydrate and refuel (we had been on the mat either testing or assisting in others' test for a couple of hours by then). We returned to the mat for the rest of the test. This started out with us performing eight of our forms together and then our rank form individually. When we hit the first kihap in basic form, the sound that echoed in the building was indescribable. "Ominous, creepy, powerful, cool" were all descriptors I heard. You could hear the audience catch their collective breath. This happened a several more times during our lower level forms. We actually had to slow down the pace that we often do the forms at because the combined energy that we threw out was so big that we had to wait for it to come back to us before moving again. For the most part, during forms I simply rode that energy. The nagging pains of the past few weeks just became suspended and I found myself jumping higher and just getting more things "right" than I ever have before. It was a transformative experience as we all performed what was truly our very best. I did miss one move in one form. I was thinking about how beautifully Amy Popovich from San Francisco had shown a particular portion of Waterfall and was trying to emulate her. As a result, I stepped with the wrong foot :) Ah well.
We then each performed our rank form which, thankfully for the audience, is fairly brief for a Quantum form.--they had to watch it 7 times. Each individual performed it starting with the youngest. I was 4th..right in the middle. This is a true warrior's form and each person brought their own flavor. I was petrified I would mess up the order of something since I was going to be out there on my own and was still a bit "high" from the collective form performance. I don't think I forgot anything and my nerves were mixed with the flavor I have come to know with my introduction to this form. That is, it is almost one continuous movement. The energy from one move carries you in to the next. I conceive of the energy like that of riding a bicycle up and down rolling hills. Just a moderate climb brings you to the crest and you coast down and ride up the next crest. In my testing performance, that was not "perfected", but I touched it a bit.
After forms came rolling and falling, chi sau work, then our one steps (at least I think this is the order...I was getting a bit tired by then). I had the joy of doing my one steps with my daughter Cassie. What a gift. A couple of years back, Cassie had earned her junior black belt and now is a blue belt in the adult program. She's the one that got me in to all this and how wonderful to be able to share this with her. We performed some personal one steps incorporating knife defense and also some spontaneous. Super fun. I thank her for letting me do a one step on her that was pretty realistic in terms of knife defense where I disarmed her by putting my kneww on a nerve in the arm.
Push hands and soft boxing followed. I am not great at push hands and certainly need more practice. I had much fun with Jim doing this though as he is terrific at being grounded on the bottom and rubbery on top. Soft boxing--well, that is always a joy. It is a wonderful recycling of energy and being in the moment. Responding to your partner and seeing them respond to you with "just enough" is what it is about while moving.
Then it was time to spar. The green belts rejoined us and we got our gear on. Honestly my memory on this is a bit of a blur. I do recall my daughter opening our round together with a HARD round kick to the thigh and hearing laughs from our friends on the sidelines. I also recall a great round with Talena where she made sure to challenge me. My final round was with Anwar. Anwar is a 20 year old 6 foot 6 inch 355 giant who has been training at Quantum for nearly 13 years. He was in the kid's program when I started. Even knowing that he has years of training, outstanding control and a heart as big as the moon, facing him is intimidating. I found myself experiencing a variety of emotions during this round. By then, I had a lot of pain in my body and I had many flashes of fear, anger and frustration. What was amazing was that, with each one, I had this conversation in my head that went something like this "Well, you can go with that _____ (pain, anger, sorrow etc) or you can just let that pass and fill the space left with joy. I chose joy every time and at the end I could see Anwar's face reflect the fact that I had stomped on the demons as it felt like I was moving only off his energy-taking what he was giving and moving past, around or sometimes through it. Wow. For those that wonder why I spar--this is it. This is why training in martial arts is training for life.
Pretty dang tired post sparring we collected ourselves and sat with all Quantum students present, Master Evans and Mr Curenton. We talked about helping others and how being the best people we can be is the best way to help others. I got to sit with Cassie and with Elsa. Elsa is Master Evan's dog who my family helped raise. I have an intimate connection to Elsa and the Master arranged for Elsa to come to my test. What a terrific gift.
Board breaks and attempted concrete went OK. I failed to break the concrete but learned what I need to work on for another attempt sometime. I struggled with a left ax kick break and ended up going to my right. When I finally got that ax kick, I stepped right in to a knee strike break. This latter is a relatively easy break but I had never done two quick breaks in succession like that and it was wonderful to have the "mind, body, spirit" integration that I enjoy about board breaks last just that much longer. Actually, it was kind of surreal.
Overall, the day was phenomenal. Many wonderful memories made during my "recital". At Quantum you don't get permission to test unless you are going to pass. One thing that was apparent to me during this period of my training is that the training is the real test. The ability to organize your life so you can find time to train; the working with your body to get it ready; the mental work to study and remember forms, one steps etc. ; the spirit to drag yourself out of bed on a Sunday to go and meet your buds to train.; the struggling with and defeating the self-doubt. It is all that that is the true test. In the end, I tested myself. My teachers and friends were mirrors to help me see how that test went---and I think it went well.
With a goal in mind, 7 of us juggled work, family, illness injury, and our own strengths and weaknesses to train hard both individually and as a group. And then, the day was upon us.
One of our group, Tracy, had arranged for the shaman from her Native American community to come bless and paint us in a way that warriors entering battle are painted. Thunder Cloud gave the same blessing to all of us, filling us with strength and protection both as individuals and as a group. We were all moved and emboldened by this ceremony and I personally received a special extra blessing for "someone that I was holding within me". All of us there knew that the person in my heart was our dear friend and blue belt Tony who could not be with us on that day as he struggled with the after effects of chemotherapy.
We moved on t0 the cleaning of the dojo and then one of us, Valerie, led an awesome and heart pounding warm up. We then sat down to watch the yellow belts test and were filled with pride as our Seattle student Kate kicked high and performed her form flawlessly. The green belts were next and they brought joy and beauty to their forms and techniques.
Then, it was our turn. Seven red belts, all but one over the age of 40 (I, at 48 was the "median age" student) stood in front of our Master, our 3rd degree black belt Mr. Curenton and our family, friends, training partners and students. Master Evans started us out on the "techniques" part. She ran us through combinations from all of our previous belt levels; some simple, some not so. This is where my teaching really paid off. When I teach, the name of the technique is in my mind and I envision it. Then I speak and hear it aloud, then demonstrate, and finally check to see if the students have translated what I said in to their own bodies. The process engages many senses and allows those pathways in my brain to be more ingrained. While I did not do everything perfectly in this portion, I felt comfortable with it and it was quite fun. One of the best parts was when we did jumping techniques in sequence. Like dominoes a wave of kicks would move along the lines so each of us got to have a second to shine and to see the others.
After the this portion of the test, we did some ground work demonstrating our ability to pass the guard and doing arm bars and escapes from arm bars on the ground. This portion of the test REALLY hurt my sore shoulder. Some of the escapes required me to put my arm in a very painful position. Thanks to Greg for helping me to not push it.
We then took a break to hydrate and refuel (we had been on the mat either testing or assisting in others' test for a couple of hours by then). We returned to the mat for the rest of the test. This started out with us performing eight of our forms together and then our rank form individually. When we hit the first kihap in basic form, the sound that echoed in the building was indescribable. "Ominous, creepy, powerful, cool" were all descriptors I heard. You could hear the audience catch their collective breath. This happened a several more times during our lower level forms. We actually had to slow down the pace that we often do the forms at because the combined energy that we threw out was so big that we had to wait for it to come back to us before moving again. For the most part, during forms I simply rode that energy. The nagging pains of the past few weeks just became suspended and I found myself jumping higher and just getting more things "right" than I ever have before. It was a transformative experience as we all performed what was truly our very best. I did miss one move in one form. I was thinking about how beautifully Amy Popovich from San Francisco had shown a particular portion of Waterfall and was trying to emulate her. As a result, I stepped with the wrong foot :) Ah well.
We then each performed our rank form which, thankfully for the audience, is fairly brief for a Quantum form.--they had to watch it 7 times. Each individual performed it starting with the youngest. I was 4th..right in the middle. This is a true warrior's form and each person brought their own flavor. I was petrified I would mess up the order of something since I was going to be out there on my own and was still a bit "high" from the collective form performance. I don't think I forgot anything and my nerves were mixed with the flavor I have come to know with my introduction to this form. That is, it is almost one continuous movement. The energy from one move carries you in to the next. I conceive of the energy like that of riding a bicycle up and down rolling hills. Just a moderate climb brings you to the crest and you coast down and ride up the next crest. In my testing performance, that was not "perfected", but I touched it a bit.
After forms came rolling and falling, chi sau work, then our one steps (at least I think this is the order...I was getting a bit tired by then). I had the joy of doing my one steps with my daughter Cassie. What a gift. A couple of years back, Cassie had earned her junior black belt and now is a blue belt in the adult program. She's the one that got me in to all this and how wonderful to be able to share this with her. We performed some personal one steps incorporating knife defense and also some spontaneous. Super fun. I thank her for letting me do a one step on her that was pretty realistic in terms of knife defense where I disarmed her by putting my kneww on a nerve in the arm.
Push hands and soft boxing followed. I am not great at push hands and certainly need more practice. I had much fun with Jim doing this though as he is terrific at being grounded on the bottom and rubbery on top. Soft boxing--well, that is always a joy. It is a wonderful recycling of energy and being in the moment. Responding to your partner and seeing them respond to you with "just enough" is what it is about while moving.
Then it was time to spar. The green belts rejoined us and we got our gear on. Honestly my memory on this is a bit of a blur. I do recall my daughter opening our round together with a HARD round kick to the thigh and hearing laughs from our friends on the sidelines. I also recall a great round with Talena where she made sure to challenge me. My final round was with Anwar. Anwar is a 20 year old 6 foot 6 inch 355 giant who has been training at Quantum for nearly 13 years. He was in the kid's program when I started. Even knowing that he has years of training, outstanding control and a heart as big as the moon, facing him is intimidating. I found myself experiencing a variety of emotions during this round. By then, I had a lot of pain in my body and I had many flashes of fear, anger and frustration. What was amazing was that, with each one, I had this conversation in my head that went something like this "Well, you can go with that _____ (pain, anger, sorrow etc) or you can just let that pass and fill the space left with joy. I chose joy every time and at the end I could see Anwar's face reflect the fact that I had stomped on the demons as it felt like I was moving only off his energy-taking what he was giving and moving past, around or sometimes through it. Wow. For those that wonder why I spar--this is it. This is why training in martial arts is training for life.
Pretty dang tired post sparring we collected ourselves and sat with all Quantum students present, Master Evans and Mr Curenton. We talked about helping others and how being the best people we can be is the best way to help others. I got to sit with Cassie and with Elsa. Elsa is Master Evan's dog who my family helped raise. I have an intimate connection to Elsa and the Master arranged for Elsa to come to my test. What a terrific gift.
Board breaks and attempted concrete went OK. I failed to break the concrete but learned what I need to work on for another attempt sometime. I struggled with a left ax kick break and ended up going to my right. When I finally got that ax kick, I stepped right in to a knee strike break. This latter is a relatively easy break but I had never done two quick breaks in succession like that and it was wonderful to have the "mind, body, spirit" integration that I enjoy about board breaks last just that much longer. Actually, it was kind of surreal.
Overall, the day was phenomenal. Many wonderful memories made during my "recital". At Quantum you don't get permission to test unless you are going to pass. One thing that was apparent to me during this period of my training is that the training is the real test. The ability to organize your life so you can find time to train; the working with your body to get it ready; the mental work to study and remember forms, one steps etc. ; the spirit to drag yourself out of bed on a Sunday to go and meet your buds to train.; the struggling with and defeating the self-doubt. It is all that that is the true test. In the end, I tested myself. My teachers and friends were mirrors to help me see how that test went---and I think it went well.
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